Senior Sermon, Abby Deneen (April 24, 2019)
Hello! My name is Abby and I am a senior
nursing major.
Like Anthony and Amber, Pastor Lori asked me to share my faith
story and also a little about my vocation, or why I feel called to be a nurse.
But first, I will give you a little background. I grew up in the Lutheran
church and was baptized and confirmed Lutheran. My family went to church every
Sunday, I attended Sunday School, Vacation Bible School, retreats, bible camp,
bible studies, and volunteered at numerous church events. Both of my parents
came from families of strong faith and they always made sure my brother, Peter,
and I knew we were loved not only by them, but by God as well.
After I was confirmed, I continued to
stay involved at Zion in a variety of ways, including going on mission trips and
playing in the hand bell choir. Even though my involvement in the church did
not change much after being confirmed, by faith life changed drastically.
Growing up, my faith had never been challenged. My friends had all grown up in
religious households, I was always supported by both my close and distant
relatives and others within the church, and I had never had anything happen in
my life that made me question what I believed.
But that all changed about one month
after I was confirmed, in October of 2011. My dad had always been a healthy
guy, perfect hearing and eyesight, stayed super active, etc. until he found a
small lump in his neck. From the moment we heard, “It’s cancer” my life has
never been the same.
Over the next seven years or so, my dad
underwent numerous surgeries, chemo, radiation, immunotherapy, tests, test, and
more tests, scans, insertion of a feeding tube, lots of studies, what he called
his “blood lettings” and countless doctor’s appointments and trips to Mayo in
Rochester. During all of that, however, he continued to go to church. He
volunteered whenever he could, and was a guide for my brother’s confirmation
group (as well as mine before he was sick). He always talked about how each day
was truly a gift from God and that is absolutely how he lived his life.
Everyone around him could see that, and he inspired others to do the same. Even
on his worst days, the days when he was in the most pain, he still stayed
positive.
He never complained, and instead he
focused on what he could still do and he did it. He coached mine and my
brother’s soccer teams, he attended every event my brother and I had (concerts,
tennis matches, etc.), traveled with us, and even retiled our entire back
entryway and laundry room with just one working arm. He was determined, and as
my mom would sometimes say, stubborn, but really he just wanted to make the
most of every single day he was given.
Watching my dad go through all of this,
especially when he was first diagnosed, I was so angry with God. I did not
understand why this was happening, why my dad had to suffer as much as he did.
But somehow, whenever these terrible, awful things were happening, my faith
grew strongest. Because instead of turning away from God, I turned to God every
single time. It was not always easy, but it consistently provided the peace my
heart needed.
So, on July 2nd of this past year, Peter
and I got back from a 10 day trip to Houston, Texas for the ELCA Youth
Gathering. If any of you have ever been to a youth gathering of any kind, you
know just how powerful it can be. I was still on such a “Jesus high” as some
call it, when we pulled into our driveway and immediately knew something was
wrong. We walked into the house, our parents gave us half smiles, asked how the
drive home was, and pretty much right away told us, “Dad’s body is no longer
accepting the nutrition he’s getting or responding to the treatment. All of his
tests show that his organs are starting to shut down so he’s going to start on
hospice this week and we are just going to do our best to keep him
comfortable.” Less than 24 hours later, on July 3rd, a day that seemed no
different than any other, my dad took his last breath and was welcomed Home to
a place where he would no longer suffer and would be whole once again.
Now, I’m going to backtrack just a bit.
Over the years, I have been told by multiple family members and friends that I
bring a calm presence to their lives, or that they feel very calm when I am
around. During difficult situations or times when they were getting worked up
about something, I would sit and listen and never really noticed that I was
doing anything in particular to make them feel calm. I was just there. I had
never understood what they meant until last summer, when I could truly feel
what they were talking about.
There were times when being anything
less than calm and composed would have been totally acceptable. My dad had just
died and I was angry. I was confused. And more than anything I was just so, so
sad. Yet somehow, at times when I did not think it would be possible to stay
calm, I felt an overwhelming sense of peace pass over me.
The first time was the moment he died.
He wasn’t on hospice yet, so we had to call 911. I didn’t think I’d be able to
do it, but as soon as I heard the operator’s calm voice, I was able to pull
myself together and talk with her until the police arrived. Before hanging up,
I just said “If you are at all religious, please say a prayer for me and my
family.” and without missing a beat she said “Of course.” This 911 operator was
just doing her job, but I could undoubtedly feel God’s presence as she sat on
the phone with me that night.
The second time I felt this peace was at
my dad’s funeral. I enjoy public speaking and my dad had always told me I
should do it more often. So I decided to give his eulogy, as I figured that
would be the perfect opportunity to honor him. Right before it was time for me
to go up there, I felt incredibly nervous. But as soon as I stood up and turned
to face all of our loved ones, again, I felt that overwhelming sense of peace.
It’s kind of hard to truly describe. I was able to get through the entire
eulogy without crying, and on top of that was even able to make people laugh by
sharing funny memories and talking about how much of a goofball he was. It was
not easy, but I know that God was right next to me as I stood in front of the
church that day, he was right next to me every day before then, and he has been
every day since then.
In Isaiah 41:10, he says “do not fear,
for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God.” On the days when I
thought “how on earth am I going to do this? How am I going to make it through
another day?” I was constantly brought back to that verse, as well as Psalm
46:10 “Be still and know that I am God.” When everything around me felt chaotic
and I felt a bit lost, I did just that. I took a moment to just be still. That
doesn’t mean I wasn’t sad or struggling or angry, but I would truly just sit
and be still and that calm would fall over me again and again and again.
As a nurse, I will have the privilege of
caring for individuals and their families on some of the worst days of their
lives. And I’ve been there. I may not know exactly what they’re going through,
but I have had at least a small glimpse of the pain and frustration they are
feeling. And I feel called to care for them, and to be that calm presence even
if just for a moment, just as our Heavenly Father has cared for and calmed me.
I feel as though this is my way of being able to show His love to others.
The biggest compliment I have ever
received was from my clarinet instructor in high school. She started talking to
me about God, and quick stopped and goes “Oh shoot, sorry! I just assumed you
were a believer. I can see it in the way you treat others.” As a nurse, I hope,
even if my patients are not believers, that they can feel some sort of love and
peace when they are in my care.
I will leave you with this, from
Philippians, 4:7 “And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding,
will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”
Please pray with me:
Dear God,
Thank you for reminding us to just be
still sometimes. To take a moment out of our crazy and hectic lives to just
focus on you and remember that you are God, that you love each and every one of
us, and will always be by our side. Thank you for sending people into our lives
to show us your love and help us to get through the most difficult days. You
are so good in every way. Amen.
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