Senior Sermon, Abby Deneen (April 24, 2019)

Hello! My name is Abby and I am a senior nursing major. 

Like Anthony and Amber, Pastor Lori asked me to share my faith story and also a little about my vocation, or why I feel called to be a nurse. But first, I will give you a little background. I grew up in the Lutheran church and was baptized and confirmed Lutheran. My family went to church every Sunday, I attended Sunday School, Vacation Bible School, retreats, bible camp, bible studies, and volunteered at numerous church events. Both of my parents came from families of strong faith and they always made sure my brother, Peter, and I knew we were loved not only by them, but by God as well.

After I was confirmed, I continued to stay involved at Zion in a variety of ways, including going on mission trips and playing in the hand bell choir. Even though my involvement in the church did not change much after being confirmed, by faith life changed drastically. Growing up, my faith had never been challenged. My friends had all grown up in religious households, I was always supported by both my close and distant relatives and others within the church, and I had never had anything happen in my life that made me question what I believed.

But that all changed about one month after I was confirmed, in October of 2011. My dad had always been a healthy guy, perfect hearing and eyesight, stayed super active, etc. until he found a small lump in his neck. From the moment we heard, “It’s cancer” my life has never been the same.

Over the next seven years or so, my dad underwent numerous surgeries, chemo, radiation, immunotherapy, tests, test, and more tests, scans, insertion of a feeding tube, lots of studies, what he called his “blood lettings” and countless doctor’s appointments and trips to Mayo in Rochester. During all of that, however, he continued to go to church. He volunteered whenever he could, and was a guide for my brother’s confirmation group (as well as mine before he was sick). He always talked about how each day was truly a gift from God and that is absolutely how he lived his life. Everyone around him could see that, and he inspired others to do the same. Even on his worst days, the days when he was in the most pain, he still stayed positive.

He never complained, and instead he focused on what he could still do and he did it. He coached mine and my brother’s soccer teams, he attended every event my brother and I had (concerts, tennis matches, etc.), traveled with us, and even retiled our entire back entryway and laundry room with just one working arm. He was determined, and as my mom would sometimes say, stubborn, but really he just wanted to make the most of every single day he was given.

Watching my dad go through all of this, especially when he was first diagnosed, I was so angry with God. I did not understand why this was happening, why my dad had to suffer as much as he did. But somehow, whenever these terrible, awful things were happening, my faith grew strongest. Because instead of turning away from God, I turned to God every single time. It was not always easy, but it consistently provided the peace my heart needed.

So, on July 2nd of this past year, Peter and I got back from a 10 day trip to Houston, Texas for the ELCA Youth Gathering. If any of you have ever been to a youth gathering of any kind, you know just how powerful it can be. I was still on such a “Jesus high” as some call it, when we pulled into our driveway and immediately knew something was wrong. We walked into the house, our parents gave us half smiles, asked how the drive home was, and pretty much right away told us, “Dad’s body is no longer accepting the nutrition he’s getting or responding to the treatment. All of his tests show that his organs are starting to shut down so he’s going to start on hospice this week and we are just going to do our best to keep him comfortable.” Less than 24 hours later, on July 3rd, a day that seemed no different than any other, my dad took his last breath and was welcomed Home to a place where he would no longer suffer and would be whole once again.

Now, I’m going to backtrack just a bit. Over the years, I have been told by multiple family members and friends that I bring a calm presence to their lives, or that they feel very calm when I am around. During difficult situations or times when they were getting worked up about something, I would sit and listen and never really noticed that I was doing anything in particular to make them feel calm. I was just there. I had never understood what they meant until last summer, when I could truly feel what they were talking about.

There were times when being anything less than calm and composed would have been totally acceptable. My dad had just died and I was angry. I was confused. And more than anything I was just so, so sad. Yet somehow, at times when I did not think it would be possible to stay calm, I felt an overwhelming sense of peace pass over me.

The first time was the moment he died. He wasn’t on hospice yet, so we had to call 911. I didn’t think I’d be able to do it, but as soon as I heard the operator’s calm voice, I was able to pull myself together and talk with her until the police arrived. Before hanging up, I just said “If you are at all religious, please say a prayer for me and my family.” and without missing a beat she said “Of course.” This 911 operator was just doing her job, but I could undoubtedly feel God’s presence as she sat on the phone with me that night.

The second time I felt this peace was at my dad’s funeral. I enjoy public speaking and my dad had always told me I should do it more often. So I decided to give his eulogy, as I figured that would be the perfect opportunity to honor him. Right before it was time for me to go up there, I felt incredibly nervous. But as soon as I stood up and turned to face all of our loved ones, again, I felt that overwhelming sense of peace. It’s kind of hard to truly describe. I was able to get through the entire eulogy without crying, and on top of that was even able to make people laugh by sharing funny memories and talking about how much of a goofball he was. It was not easy, but I know that God was right next to me as I stood in front of the church that day, he was right next to me every day before then, and he has been every day since then.

In Isaiah 41:10, he says “do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God.” On the days when I thought “how on earth am I going to do this? How am I going to make it through another day?” I was constantly brought back to that verse, as well as Psalm 46:10 “Be still and know that I am God.” When everything around me felt chaotic and I felt a bit lost, I did just that. I took a moment to just be still. That doesn’t mean I wasn’t sad or struggling or angry, but I would truly just sit and be still and that calm would fall over me again and again and again.

As a nurse, I will have the privilege of caring for individuals and their families on some of the worst days of their lives. And I’ve been there. I may not know exactly what they’re going through, but I have had at least a small glimpse of the pain and frustration they are feeling. And I feel called to care for them, and to be that calm presence even if just for a moment, just as our Heavenly Father has cared for and calmed me. I feel as though this is my way of being able to show His love to others.

The biggest compliment I have ever received was from my clarinet instructor in high school. She started talking to me about God, and quick stopped and goes “Oh shoot, sorry! I just assumed you were a believer. I can see it in the way you treat others.” As a nurse, I hope, even if my patients are not believers, that they can feel some sort of love and peace when they are in my care.

I will leave you with this, from Philippians, 4:7 “And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

Please pray with me:

Dear God,

Thank you for reminding us to just be still sometimes. To take a moment out of our crazy and hectic lives to just focus on you and remember that you are God, that you love each and every one of us, and will always be by our side. Thank you for sending people into our lives to show us your love and help us to get through the most difficult days. You are so good in every way. Amen.